Go ahead and feed your mind with this question... "What are somethings that prevent a S'pore man from succeeding with women?" List your thoughts down and go ask the question to a few guys youknow. I can be certain that if you compare thoughts with them, there's one COMMON point that keeps surfacing. It's...... fear of rejection.
By that, I mean some guys fear getting rejected during various courtship stages. The 'fear' can raise it's yucky head... at the approach... or at the time you want to call a lady out... or when you want to get a gal as your girlfriend. So the moment this fear appears, most attempts to move forward with a woman are reduced.Now, before we talk about handling fear of rejection, let's see how rejection is being 'generally defined'.
Most Singapore guys would see rejection to mean - "being refused". That meaning is not so bad. The bad part is when -1) They allow the meaning to CONSUME them and in doing so... 2) They project the meaning onto themselves ahead of time (even before they attempt anything with a woman). On the other hand, another group of men - those who ARE GOOD with women, tend to not accept the generally accepted meaning of rejection. If they receive a cold response from a lady, they do not see it as"being refused" (they'll NEVER see it that way). Instead, these men define the situation as "If a girl's response is not positive, she is essentially giving me the passport to talk to and attract ANOTHER girl. "So it's NOT about "being refused", it's that these men gave themselves permission to interact with women, to see eventually which woman enjoys interaction and which one doesn't. That's all there is to it. And they won't project ahead of time whether rejection will happen, because frankly, no one can say what will happen until an attempt is made.Are there more ways to deal with this fear of rejection that seem to plague 9 out of 10 guys? Of course, yet it must always start from the foundation of NOTaccepting rejection to mean what most guys out there think.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Friday, September 7, 2007
How To Keep The Conversation Going With Women
If there's one 'social-life destroying' problem that most guys faceother than how to approach women, it's... ... keeping a conversation going after you approach.
You may even seen or experience the following 'live' before youreyes - guy starts a conversation with a gal with a great strongline. But in a while, the conversation is plagued with awkwardpauses or 10 second long quiet breaks.
Typically, such a scene will drag on abit. Then, either the guy orgal will use the "see you around" exit to cushion any morequietness.
OK, let's see what can be done to prevent such a scene.
Understand this, keeping a conversation going is NOT limited to thefirst time when you meet a lady. It's an art that has to be sharpened when you're out with any women on future dates.
You'd be lucky if the gal herself has tons to talk about but... is that always the case? Nope. You're bound to encounter some gals who require you to lead the conversation first and gradually warm up to you. So here aresome "silver bullets" as a backup in the event you sense a quiet air coming. I 'm taking into account some topics in the past that surfaced when I had engaging conversations with women. Plus, almost without fail, all the men I knew who are good with women always have some topics loaded in their brains.
These include (but NOT limited to):
- Get her to talk about which country she's fly to in the past. It's used just the way it is, just say "Which country have you been to in the past?"Let her talk. Stretch further by asking her what are those places/the people there like. Discover which places she'd like to go in future. (It's no sin to be curious) Then tell her where you personally have travelled to. At this point, she's gradually warmed up and will ask you in return about those places you've been to.
- A versatile topic. Ask her which movie had she watched this year. Which is the best one she thinks. Which sucked. Talk about your own thoughts. From there, you can springboard to a sub-topic of who she thinks is her fave actor/actress.
- In this case, it's a "What did you do last Christmas?" topic. One variation is "Where did you go to celebrate during new year'seve last year?" Gal's answers range from celebration at friend's place, stayed athome, went partying, got drunk etc. Bear in mind there're always things to continue from there. Let her elaborate. Share your own story of what you did then. I can go on and on but these topics/sub-topics are just a few"emergency" backups in case you sense silences coming.
1st point to Note: The above is NOT the only path to maintain conversations. Use them first but there are other ways to make a dialogue "re-generative"... where conversations take on a life of it's own and fresh topics automatically spawn.
2nd Point to Note: It's useless to continue talking and talking. While keeping conversations going with women, you have to ATTRACT them. The key is to talk AND attract. It'll take an entire module to cover that (check the section belowfor that). For now, another tip to know how to keep conversation going is to eavesdrop on people (preferably strangers) while they are engaged in a dialogue. That's right, be a practical student of interactions.
Listen to two people (can be 2 girls, one guy one gal etc), notice what gets both of them hooked when they're talking. You'll defintely obtain clues as to what makes a conversation indulging. Study these clues, refine and use it for yourself.
You may even seen or experience the following 'live' before youreyes - guy starts a conversation with a gal with a great strongline. But in a while, the conversation is plagued with awkwardpauses or 10 second long quiet breaks.
Typically, such a scene will drag on abit. Then, either the guy orgal will use the "see you around" exit to cushion any morequietness.
OK, let's see what can be done to prevent such a scene.
Understand this, keeping a conversation going is NOT limited to thefirst time when you meet a lady. It's an art that has to be sharpened when you're out with any women on future dates.
You'd be lucky if the gal herself has tons to talk about but... is that always the case? Nope. You're bound to encounter some gals who require you to lead the conversation first and gradually warm up to you. So here aresome "silver bullets" as a backup in the event you sense a quiet air coming. I 'm taking into account some topics in the past that surfaced when I had engaging conversations with women. Plus, almost without fail, all the men I knew who are good with women always have some topics loaded in their brains.
These include (but NOT limited to):
1st point to Note: The above is NOT the only path to maintain conversations. Use them first but there are other ways to make a dialogue "re-generative"... where conversations take on a life of it's own and fresh topics automatically spawn.
2nd Point to Note: It's useless to continue talking and talking. While keeping conversations going with women, you have to ATTRACT them. The key is to talk AND attract. It'll take an entire module to cover that (check the section belowfor that). For now, another tip to know how to keep conversation going is to eavesdrop on people (preferably strangers) while they are engaged in a dialogue. That's right, be a practical student of interactions.
Listen to two people (can be 2 girls, one guy one gal etc), notice what gets both of them hooked when they're talking. You'll defintely obtain clues as to what makes a conversation indulging. Study these clues, refine and use it for yourself.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
3 Short Words Will Change Your Dating Life...
Yes I'm aware... the topic sounds fishy, as though somebody'swhispering in your ear "Hey, chant these words and you can live to3000 years old!"
But hear me out for a second. In my life, I've met a number of men. Their outer appearance rangefrom ordinary to 'icky'... Yet, these men happen to BE WITH stunningly beautiful women that other guys would stare at more than once. Thing is, it didn't make sense to me years back. My mind tried to solve -"There must be ONE point of time where these men fearlessly make aFIRST CONTACT with the lady they're eventually with. But how did they do it despite their 'limitations'?"And so began my process of making friends and talking to these dudes. I wanted get ideas straight from the horse's mouth.
Here's the fun part... if you've carried out such investigations as I have, you can't help but notice such men... seem to follow a very different set of 'personal rules'. One of which is - they constantly have a "Nothing to lose" rule when it comes to interacting with and dating women.
It's been years but I recalled one of these men say (and the phrase is still kept in my journal), "People with nothing to lose are theones who win more than the rest."That was how it all began to make sense where men without the gift of good looks can "outperform" guys who have better features (and deeper pockets) when it comes to meeting and dating the ladies. It's all about NOT putting weight on any interaction with women. NOT thinking you may lose anything. So these are the 3 words... "Nothing to lose". N.T.L
Simple few words but "lethal".As a drill, carry out a full-scale "N.T.L War" against your ownmind. Name a list of things you THINK you might lose if you were togo up and talk to a woman... or getting a lady out (it'll probablybe less than 3 things. If it's more than 3... you probably worry too much). Question the list of things. It's likely you'll find some of them NOT being a big deal after all. Strike these off. As for those remaining, ask yourself what is required to counter each of them? Then go get the necessary stuff and counter.Carry out this "Nothing to lose" drill and see how your mind startsto let loose. Encounters with women are defintely more enjoyablefrom here on.
But hear me out for a second. In my life, I've met a number of men. Their outer appearance rangefrom ordinary to 'icky'... Yet, these men happen to BE WITH stunningly beautiful women that other guys would stare at more than once. Thing is, it didn't make sense to me years back. My mind tried to solve -"There must be ONE point of time where these men fearlessly make aFIRST CONTACT with the lady they're eventually with. But how did they do it despite their 'limitations'?"And so began my process of making friends and talking to these dudes. I wanted get ideas straight from the horse's mouth.
Here's the fun part... if you've carried out such investigations as I have, you can't help but notice such men... seem to follow a very different set of 'personal rules'. One of which is - they constantly have a "Nothing to lose" rule when it comes to interacting with and dating women.
It's been years but I recalled one of these men say (and the phrase is still kept in my journal), "People with nothing to lose are theones who win more than the rest."That was how it all began to make sense where men without the gift of good looks can "outperform" guys who have better features (and deeper pockets) when it comes to meeting and dating the ladies. It's all about NOT putting weight on any interaction with women. NOT thinking you may lose anything. So these are the 3 words... "Nothing to lose". N.T.L
Simple few words but "lethal".As a drill, carry out a full-scale "N.T.L War" against your ownmind. Name a list of things you THINK you might lose if you were togo up and talk to a woman... or getting a lady out (it'll probablybe less than 3 things. If it's more than 3... you probably worry too much). Question the list of things. It's likely you'll find some of them NOT being a big deal after all. Strike these off. As for those remaining, ask yourself what is required to counter each of them? Then go get the necessary stuff and counter.Carry out this "Nothing to lose" drill and see how your mind startsto let loose. Encounters with women are defintely more enjoyablefrom here on.
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